Ever notice how it's the little things in life that amuse us so much? More to the point, ever notice how it's the silly little idiocies in life that amuse us more than anything else? Well, this is not as much ''the little blog that could'' as it is ''the blog that enjoys going up the down escalator in your local mall.'' Will it have anything of real importance? No, probably not. But enjoy the ride never the less!

 



You are Penny Arcade! Edgy and sarcastic, you cut
through the stupid mundanity of everyday life,
but mostly the world of computers and video
gaming. While you are hilariously funny, no one
will ever know if you never go outside. Put
down the controller and get some fresh air.

If you don't get the reference, check yourself out
at http://www.penny-arcade.com/


What Internet phenomenon are you? -updated-
brought to you by Quizilla


posted by Phillip at 8:06 AM

 

posted by Phillip at 8:04 AM

 

Have any of you seen those Old Navy commercials that are manifesting themselves during commercial breaks like an unwanted ass-wart? You probably know what I'm referring to, and if you're denying it you no doubt have regressed the dreadful memory, and gone with something less traumatizing. Like the time you discovered that superman capes will not actually enable you to fly (and you only discovered this at the base of that very steep hill).

There's our hapless victim idling around various places always associated with the $-mas season: stores in shopping malls; bakeries; their closet. Suddenly, they are accosted by a ragtag and badly-dressed group of kids, teens and desperate actors in their early 20's. (Actually, I'd be hiding in my closet if I knew these bozos were stalking me.) Before our hapless victim can use their pepper spray or yet "Cut!", someone blows on a harmonica (actually, I argue they all blow, but that's just my amateurish opinion), and they all start to sing. Or to be more specific, they all start to engage in some sort of off-key caterwauling that could be called singing. I've heard dead cats fuck with more harmony than these people.

But what are they singing? Something redemptive? Something Superfreakish? Oh, it's not a Christmas song or carol they're torturing, mind you. No, no. They use a melody that bears some resemblance to a horribly mangled version of some well-known tune like "Jingle Bells." Instead of the usually cheery and festive words we've come to know and love from a song like, oh "Jingle Bells", this group of ravenous and colourfully-dressed monsters launch into some uninspired dreck about last-minute shopping and how Old Navy will save your ass with inexpensive brand-name clothes.

And their smiles! My God, did they all get shot up with Prozac or Botox before shooting this commercial? I can almost see the coarse humanity seeping out of the corners of their mouths as they try and try to emote. But it just doesn't work. What I think was intended to be a witty and sentimental commercial that tugs on the seasonal heartstrings of us all managed to take a bad concept, and create a painfully limp commercial that switches our heartstrings with piano wire and then tries to strangle us with it.

Though oddly enough these Old Navy commercials do bring a smile on my face. Mostly because I imagine what would happen if this crew showed up at a store my friends and I happened to be at. Once their rousing rendition of "Oh dear God, I repent of all my evil, just make the hurting stop!!" ends, and the little boy makes some inspid remark whilst holding up the Old Navy sign, I consider my reaction to it.

It would probably involve a bunch of the group all desperately trying to hold back one of us from charging. And I'm shouting, "No, Roupen, not the beam cannon! They're right in front of the cookies! You'll take the cookies out with them!"

So please, end these Old Navy ads before innocent cookies get hurt. Won't someone think of the cookies?

Today's Discovery: Shady will yowl pitifully along with Menchi during Excel Saga's closing song.


posted by Phillip at 8:27 PM

 

There's so many things I want to say here.

I want to say a belated thanks to all the birthday wellwishers out there, from cards to Livejournals to calls. And Ysa-chan, your unique ability to launch into happy-babble halfway through an answering machine message is impressive! This also goes out to my fellow tortured souls...er, coworkers, who to their utterly vicious delight bought me a Hilary Duff CD as a gift. (My exact and first words to the primary culprit when I saw her next were, and I quote: "Hilary freaking Duff?!") I was half-expecting a Clay Aiken CD myself, since my loathing of him, and having to see his videos or hear his songs, is only sightly higher than my loathing of Duff. I can in fact have more than enough of that not-so-wonderful Duff. And yet it was done in good spirits, and ultimately not a waste since I was able to trade the Hilary Duff CD in for the 'Best of Marilyn Manson' CD.

No, I'm serious. (Those of you aware of my educational background can stop snickering anytime now...)

I also want to say that my prolongued absence in this little bit of nowhere is due primarily to me being too tired to even stare properly at the screen every other night. And on the nights in between those, blogger was too fscking wonky to work right and even let me sign in.

I also want to say that the term "quality control" has reach newfound levels of irony, where the air is so saturated with iromy it's...er...ironic. Okay, so that analogy died a horrible death and is still suffering a rather tortuous afterlife, but you get the idea. Some of you have followed our exploits involving the kiosk of not-as-much-death -but-definitely-shoddy-construction. For those of you just tuning in (and more importantly, too lazy to glance back at previous bits of nowhere), the seasonal kiosk I am currently running, or at least pretending to look like I know how to run something like this, is usually constructed by one specific handiman who works for our company. He's a great guy who knows what he's doing.

This year the company contracted out to a different bunch of handimen. After all the seasonal kiosks were assembled, the word of the day was officially made: "Oops?" You see, having a kiosk assembled is one thing, and a great thing unto itself. But having a kiosk assembled properly is an ever better thing. The new guys putting together our kiosk only managed to get the first line right. The track for our kiosk curtain had numerous gaps in it, plus it wasn't properly secured on two of the four sides of the kiosk. The panels were all uneven, there were electrical cords all over the floor, and now...

...and now, I always like to start my morning shifts by opening a cupboard door to retrieve some extra understock, and then step back with the cupboard door still in my hand. Sometimes doors come off because the hinges pop out of place; those are easy to repair. On the other hand, it's a different problem when the wall bracket the hinges are supposed to be attached to pop right out of the wall as well, leaving happy little metal screws rolling around by your feet.

So yeah, all I could say at the time was "oh, those wacky handimen." Hours later, at the end of my shift, my remarks changed to "oh, those wacky handimen...when I find them I'm going to take this door and shove it up their rassa-frassing handi-bastard butts!" when a second door decided to rip most of itself off the wall. The lower hinge is curently all that's keeping it in place. I spent the last part of my shift eyeing this door as it hung lopsided and swayed optimistically every now and again. I wish I could say this development surprises me. I really wish.

While I'm at it, I wish for a pony. My Little Pony, to be exact. Season 1 is now a DVD box set. My Little Pony remains that one guilty, secret show I used to watch religiously when I was a kid. And firmly denied ever liking it at the time. I'm not sure if I should admit to nostalgia or being chagrined to seeing this box set and thinking to myself, "Cool! I'd like to get that one day!"

In the meantime, I'd also like to talk about Chance, the new neko-butt wandering the apartment. He's really taken to his new surroundings, and as I write this he and Shady have engaged in yet another wrestling match. They're rather adorable to watch, since they'll roll and wrestle and flop all over each other; then pause for a moment, and bat at each other's faces when they want to play again. Chance is certainly making himself a welcomed addition to the family, as it were. I still am advocating for a narcoleptic penguin, but Mel's winning the argument so far. Mostly because we haven't been able to located any narcoleptic penguins on Ebay.

Finally, I'd like to say that I think I'm suffering a mild case of burnout, primarily where writing is concerned. I haven't written much of anything for a month or so, and what I have written I strongly dislike with a near-eternal passion. (But at least I don't hate it!) This has taken me a bit by surprise, since I rarely suffer writer's burnout, and on the two prior occasions it happened, I recognized it right away. The first instance was due to me writing a long and very dark story that took a lot out of me emotionally and psychologically. The second instance was more situational, given how it happened while I was in Brazil for 3 months--and as a result, missing Anime North, something that really agitated me at the time.

This time around I think it's a combination of the two, following in the wake of my parents' separation and finishing the 130-page SM fanfic, "The Paranoia Groove". So where does that leave me? Well, trying to recover my drive for starters. There's some small projects I'm wanting to work on. Plus there's the screenplay, which is different enough from everything else that I might be able to make some progress on it. And if I somehow defy all logic, I might even be able to pull off a new and unexpected Fanboys! seasonal fic by the end of the year. (I have yet to decide if all hell gets to break loose on Christmas or New Year's for the crew.)

So I remain hopeful. Who knows, I might be recovering already, if the ridiculous length of this not-so-little bit of nowhere is any indication. In any case, my carnivorous forest much be enjoying the sudden slack in: "Eat! Eat some heroes, why don't you? You look so skinny!"

What else do I have to say? For the time being I think I've run out of things to say. At the very least this has proven an enjoyable exercise/venture. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to listen to Marilyn Manson crooning out the lyrics to Depeche Mode's "Personal Jesus."

Today's Lesson: a little time may heal all wounds, but enough of it'll kill you and render all those small wounds rather moot.


posted by Phillip at 6:11 PM